Trying to have a baby can be, well, trying.

For couples pursuing fertility treatment, romance may seem like it has flown out the window with all of the stresses you’ve faced. Timing intimacy, monitoring ovulation and dealing with symptoms like bloating from IVF injectable medicine or hot flashes from Clomid can take a steamy bedroom setting into the cold.

“Fertility treatments can make sex less spontaneous and less enjoyable,” explain experts from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. “As sex becomes focused on baby making, couples often stop lovemaking for sexual pleasure.”

It is very common for emotional and physical intimacy to decrease. Going through fertility treatment can be emotional, grueling, and exhausting for couples. Know that you’re not alone. Working together equally during the entire process – learning about infertility, supporting each other, and making treatment decisions – will strengthen your relationship. Here are a few tips to help you and your partner rekindle the fire this Valentine’s Day:

• Focus on your relationship as a couple (not just parents-to-be).

• Make time for lovemaking not baby making.

• Find alone time for the two of you.

• Devote time to activities and interests that you enjoy together.

• Don’t let infertility be all you do or talk about.

• Know that your fertility does not define you.

• Seek help and know you are not alone.

Source: American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)