Same-Sex Family Parenting Guide

The number of same-sex couple households in the United States exceeded one million in 2021. This notwithstanding, legal and financial hurdles still exist for LGBTQ+ parenthood, including adoption and surrogacy costs. This brings to the forefront the huge need gap for legal advice and rights awareness.

Resources such as support groups, diverse media, inclusive communities, among others, can help to ensure that LGBTQ+ parents can raise their children with confidence as a same-sex couple. In this article, we shall explore same-sex family parenting, offering insightful tips and supportive strategies for LGBTQ+ parents navigating family life.

Same-Sex Families

According to data released by the Census Bureau in 2022, there were about 1.2 million same-sex couple households in the U.S. in 2021. This was a notable increase from the approximate 594,000 same-sex partner households reported in 2000. In the report, all same-sex couples were unmarried, as no states performed same-sex marriages at that time. 

The rise in same-sex parenting is partly due to the greater acceptance of same-sex families and the growing options available for same-sex couples to become parents. Historically, homophobia, exclusion,  and public scrutiny have made it very difficult for aspiring LGBTQ+ couples to become parents. 

While these factors still exist, they have improved over time. Resources and acceptance for LGBTQ+ parents have been increasing, thus helping these individuals and couples build the families they desire. Now more than ever, LGBTQ+ parents are thriving. 

Recent evidence on the impact same-sex parenting has on the development of children suggests that the children of same-sex parents fare just as well, if not better, than the children of ‘traditional’ couples. It has also been found that a parent’s sexual orientation does not determine the outcome of children’s development. 

Challenges for LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

Laws and Regulations

Aspiring LGBTQ+ parents should perform due diligence regarding the legislation that may impact their custody or parental rights in the specific states and countries they intend to reside in.The laws and regulations surrounding parenting, parental rights, and custody in certain areas are burdensome to LGBTQ+ parents. 

While U.S. federal law does not prohibit LGBTQ+ families from having children or same-sex couples from being adoptive parents, different states may have restrictions or barriers. Currently there are 14 states that allow state-licensed child welfare agencies to deny placement and support services to children and families, including LGBTQ+ people and same-sex couples, if doing so conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

The Costs of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

The costs of LGBTQ+ family planning might also be challenging for aspiring parents. With insemination and surrogacy, there are both legal and financial considerations for same-sex couples. With surrogacy for example, medical, insurance, travel, and legal expenses can cost anywhere from $60,000 to upwards of $150,000. 

Any LGBTQ+ parenting plan that involves adoption, insemination, or surrogacy, will benefit from consultation with an attorney specializing in Reproductive Law, to address any concerns about birth certificates or legal rights to the child. Legal consultation costs vary, but typically range from $100 to $500 per hour.

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

Same-sex families are not that different from traditional families, and LGBTQ+ patents experience many of the same concerns that many heterosexual parents face when raising children. These include finances, responsibilities of parenthood, providing appropriate structure, teaching open and honest communication, establishing healthy conflict resolution, monitoring growth and health, among others.

However, households with an LGBTQ+ family structure often face additional challenges, such as social stigma, an unsupportive extended family, discrimination at schools or in the community, homophobia, bullying, and overall, a culture that is traditionally heterosexist in beliefs and values. 

Same-sex families may also face challenges with custody arrangements or the ability to adopt, as their sexual orientation may be discussed as a reason to restrict or deny custody within the court system. Luckily, resources like support groups, media, and inclusive communities, can help support LGBTQ+ individuals and couples with family planning and parenting.

Support Groups

Raising children in an LGBTQ+ family structure may at times isolate LGBTQ+ parents from other families in their communities. Local or digital support groups can provide reassurance for these parents. Many cities have LGBTQ+ community centers that host support groups and social events, and often provide resources specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ parents and their families.

Additionally, there are many online forums and support groups dedicated to LGBTQ+ parenting, where these families can connect and talk with other families in similar situations. Websites like Family Equality, Reddit, and even Facebook, host forums or groups for parents to share advice and experiences. 

Diverse TV and Books

Representation does matter when it comes to feeling seen, and accepted. Typically, the families represented in movies, TV shows, and books are often heteronormative. Consuming media that also includes same-sex couples in their storylines can allow for a child to be more confident when they see a family like theirs depicted in the media.

Here are some examples of shows, movies, and books that feature same-sex parents:

• Modern Family (TV)
• Grey’s Anatomy (TV)
• Nimona (Movie)
• Wendell & Wild (TV)
• Stella Brings the Family (picture book)
• Mama and Mommy and Me in the Middle (picture book)
• Heather Has Two Mommies (picture book)
• A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo (children’s book)
• Daddy and Pop (children’s book)
• And Tango Makes Three (children’s book)
• Bathe the Cat (picture book)

Check for Inclusivity

Before enrolling children in a daycare, school, or extracurricular activities, check their policies on inclusion and discrimination. Research to try and find organizations and institutions that will be supportive, inclusive, and nurturing for diverse children and a same-sex family. LGBTQ+ families and children should be valued and respected every bit as much as any other family.

Therapy and Counselling

LBGTQ+ parents, as well as their children, may benefit from therapy, whether they choose to participate in individual therapy, couples therapy, or family therapy. In-person or online therapy may help LGBTQ+ families work through any challenges or fears they may experience.

Online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy, and the increase in providers—for both traditional and telehealth platforms—allows parents to filter therapists based on certain identity factors like age, gender, faith, and sexual orientation. This helps LGBTQ+ parents find a provider who fits theirs or their child’s needs.

Additional Resources

• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE): Is an organization dedicated to helping the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Gay Parent Magazine: Is a publication focusing on the experiences of LGBTQ+ families with international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, surrogacy, and more.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): This is the largest civil rights organization in the U.S. that is working to achieve LGBTQ+ equality.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): Is a program devoted to educating and supporting everyone that is a part of the life of a sexual minority individual.
• Strong Family Alliance: This is a nonprofit providing support and resources to parents of LGBTQ+ children who are coming out.
• The Trevor Project: Is an American nonprofit organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.

Bottom Line

While same-sex families are not as common as heterosexual families in the U.S., it is still possible to raise children confidently. Despite potential scrutiny or lack of representation in the media, research shows that same-sex parents do just as good a job, if not better, relative to heterosexual couples when it comes to raising children

. 

The LGBTQ+ family is increasing with each passing year. Same-sex families who are just starting their parental journey or those that already have children, can now find numerous support groups, communities, and resources that can help assure LGBTQ+ parents in raising their children with confidence.

Contact Us

If you are a same-sex couple considering parenthood, we here at Nevada Fertility Center are committed to providing safe, welcoming, and proficient family-building services with our LGBTQ+ family-building resources. We believe in providing personalized and effective fertility treatment to all patients at our fertility centers. Contact us today for more information.